Parents often ask a very common question, "Should we pay or bribe our child to get good marks or study well in school?" And the answer is, "NO, you shouldn't."

Bribery affects everyone at some point in their lives. Bribery is the promise of something in exchange for a favour. On the other hand, bribery has a bad connotation, whereas reward has a positive one. Personal (feeling good about oneself), social (being acknowledged or complimented by others), or monetary rewards are all possible (receiving a tangible reward). Many parents are unsure how to distinguish between a reward and a bribe. After all, your child is rewarded for doing what you want him to do in both cases.

It's critical to recognize that bribing can become a habit, teaching your child to behave out in order to get what he wants. To make matters even more perplexing, attempting to control your child's misbehaviour by offering a bribe may succeed in the short term.

According to research, the larger the incentive, the more harm it causes by encouraging children to focus on the pleasures rather than the learning. "The more they get monetary rewards, the less motivated they are to become involved and prolific learners."

Another disadvantage of rewarding children is that it places the burden of learning on the parent, who must come up with new rewards for long-term accomplishments and must continue to check performance.

If a parent says, “I'll give you this if you get all ‘A’ grades;” the youngster is more likely to do it for the sake of the reward. It also implies that, in the future, he will believe that the sole reason to learn is to receive a reward. I'm not interested in learning if I'm not getting the return I want.

According to one of the most well-known professionals, Dr Ravi Samuel, the best technique to inspire any child is to pique their interest in undertaking the desired task. This will engage the child in the process, allowing them to understand and accept the positive or negative consequences of particular actions. Any child's growth begins at home, as here is where the youngster learns the intrinsic values and behavioural patterns that conform to our society and culture. When it comes to instilling behavioural obedience in a child, parents take the easy way out by rewarding them for completing certain chores. Teaching a child certain habits and works, which are ideally supposed to be a natural trait in the child, deserve rewards and that this is done to save a few minutes of scolding and disagreements almost always causes more harm than good. We want to warn all parents about the consequences of such actions since we recognize how harmful they can be.

Parents must understand that rewards are only effective when they are carefully placed. People frequently misunderstand the distinction between rewards and bribes. While praising children for their achievements in activities is one thing, making them anticipate something in return for accomplishing something as simple as homework is quite another. As a parent, if you engage in such behaviour, read the following points to learn about the detrimental consequences of this type of bribery.

Bribing becomes habitual: The most harmful sort of parental mistake is when you reward your young child for accomplishing the basic tasks required of them without the necessity for such rewards. Common behaviour patterns expected of the child become a challenge for the parents to achieve if the child has become accustomed to receiving undeserved incentives. This not only instills a sense of entitlement in the child, but it also tends to instill regressive tendencies that are extremely damaging to the his/her character. In such circumstances, the child feels entitled to be rewarded even for behaviours that are supposed to be self-rewarding.

Bribing sends a negative message: When you bribe your children to finish their schoolwork, they begin to believe that the task they are being asked to accomplish requires a reward. As a result, they will expect to be 'paid' or remunerated whenever something is expected. This deprives them of the pleasure of completing work, but because their focus is on the financial benefit, they will be unable to connect with the passion for whatever they are doing.

Bribing children may encourage them to take the easy way out: When your child's focus turns to obtaining rewards, they will try to cut corners to minimize work and maximize earnings. If this becomes a habit, the child will eventually direct all their attention to the end goal, regardless of the approach used. Over time, this will encourage the child to take the easy way out, resulting in poor execution. If the child is not rewarded for their efforts, he/she will turn to present misbehaviour and wrongdoings. Words of praise will then be meaningless to the child.

Bribing can lead to demotivation: When children believe that they should do something only if there is a reward, their motivation to move up and pursue interests to examine and explore areas that do not normally provide any material benefit will progressively wane. They will gradually lose interest in doing even those things that formerly piqued their interest and excitement. Material rewards can be beneficial only if utilised sparingly for items and behaviours that truly deserve recognition. Bribing children to get rid of the trouble of dealing with a nagging child sets a horrible example, but it also instills a deeply regressive materialistic nature in them.

A key point to remember is that awards only demonstrate value when well-deserved. If parents fail to recognise the proper way to reward their children, they resort to bribing, instilling incorrect values in their children's minds. We are certain that no parent wants to see their beloved children develop a selfish, insensitive, and greedy attitude that will be difficult to overcome. Money can't purchase intelligence, motivation, or academic achievement, no matter how much we want it to, and it can't even buy good grades for a long time. Even though you may notice an immediate improvement, multiple studies have demonstrated that rewards diminish enthusiasm for work overtime – the exact reverse of what we want.

What should be done instead?

As much as possible, try to praise your youngster vocally. When your child has accomplished a goal, tell him how hard work and studying paid off and how happy you are for him for improving his grades. When a youngster performs well, the parent may recommend a celebration, such as supper at a special restaurant. This is not a reward but a recognition and celebration of a goal accomplished. A reward that recognizes exceptional effort is more effective than promised in advance in exchange for an A. Control is never a better motivator than appreciation.

According to research, praise is the most effective technique to improve learning outcomes. On the other hand, rewards create a "what's in it for me?" mentality. If the reward for good grades is money, it sends the message that working hard in school is more about enriching your wallet than enriching your mind. It also puts the onus on parents to keep dangling carrots in front of their kids to keep them motivated.

Children who are paid for good marks begin to believe that they are entitled to a reward, robbing them of the potential to develop a passion for learning and a sense of ownership over their education. That A grade we paid a lot of money for has nothing to do with the future success we're hoping for. Instead, parents should assist their children in developing the academic abilities they will need to succeed now and in the future. These no-bribe tactics are effective:

Refuse to help- If your child is prone to forgetting things, it may be time to implement homework No-Rescue Policy. "You're grown-up, and you're old enough to manage your schoolwork now," tell the middle school or above children. If you neglect your assignment, I will no longer remind you or bring it to you at school. "How do you plan to keep track of your assignments now?" Set them up for success, and then put the ball in their court, even if it means enabling them to fail. They will benefit more from learning crucial life lessons about responsibility than from any monetary prize.

Prioritize studies above screen time- While a few youngsters may beg to be challenged on their spelling, most children require encouragement to develop effective study habits. Maintain a strict, no-excuses "When-Then" schoolwork schedule. "When your homework is finished, including reviewing for forthcoming examinations," tell your kids, "you may enjoy your media time for the day."

The action, not the "A," should be highlighted- When praising your children, emphasise the effort or conduct that resulted in a positive outcome rather than the outcome itself. "You've worked so hard to prepare for your test," say if you see your 14-year-old studying her biology notes every night before a test. You should be pleased with yourselves." Use the chance to praise her hard work rather than the outcome if she receives a good mark. What if she doesn't come through? Encourage her to keep trying, and tell her that perseverance pays off in the end.

Make it their responsibility, not yours- Not every child will be the class president, and they are unlikely to follow in our footsteps or pursue all of the goals we have for them. While it may appear that allowing our children to take age-appropriate responsibility for their education (and fail at times), allowing children to manage their homework, studies, and grades is the best way to prepare them to navigate life's ups and downs and become who they want to be, for better or worse.

Be helpful, but not excessively so- It may be time to develop a Help Policy for "Mom, I need help!" "I'm delighted to help with homework between 6:30 and 8, but only after you've finished everything you know how to accomplish and can explain your thought process for the questions you can't figure out," tell your children.

We can't put a monetary value on our children's success on their terms. Paying for grades without assisting students in developing life skills such as devotion and accountability will only train them to rely on rewards and other external motivators in the future. Instead, we can help kids thrive by instilling a love of learning, cultivating excellent habits, and allowing them to choose their paths.